An Abomination Of Red Bull And Homeless People
by Shoki-Chan
Summary: What story might include, maniac homicides, rockeating, diving into concrete, bordom, cannibalistic activity, and jelly beans! This Story! Yay for caffine!


**I JUST DRANK A LOT OF REDBULL AND RAN OVER A HOMELESS GUY!**

Hyrule Field

On a birght happy day in Hyrule, our favoirte hero in tights, Link, was having a special tea party with Ramsey the squirrel. "More erbal tea, Mr. Ramsey?" Link asked gleaming. The squirrel twitched it tail a few times and scurried up a tree. "Just make sure your back for triscuts!" Link waved as teh terrified squirrel climbed to the top of the tree and scliently killed itself.

"Now, where was I? Oh yeah..." Link began before he was so rudely interrupted by Malon.

"Link what are still doing here?! It's been three freakin' weeks!" The ginger kid screamed. "Don't interrupt my tea party with Ramsey the squirrel!" Link yelled back. Malon sighed.

"Link... that's not a squirrel, it's a COW! And you've been talking to it for the last three weeks stright!" Malon excalimed. "Mooooo!" The cow agreed.

Link stood up, grabbed the master sword from its sheathe and cut Malon's head clean off. The red head landed on the wood floor with a THUMP. "Mooo..." The cow yelled in sheer horror. "The stupid non-beliver doesn't want us to be friends, Ramsey... Ramsey? RAMSEY! NOOO!" Link got on his knees and screamed at the sight of a cute fuzzy squirrel hanging from a rope at the top of the imaginary tree.

Meanwhile... In Goron City...

"This rock tastes good." Said a goron. "It sure does." Said another.

Meanwhile... Zelda is PMS-ing...

"Waaaa!" Zelda sobbed infront of her rich important daddy. "Rich imporant daddy!! My Tummy hurts..." Zelda whined. The King was fat, so he fatly leaned back in his chair and rubbed his fat stomach. "Sorry, Honey, here's some rupees, go buy some clothes." The King said throwing a wad of rupees at Zelda's face. "I DONT WANT ANY FREAKIN' MONEY! I SAID MY STOMACH HURT AND THERES NOT A DAMN THING ANYONE CAN DO! IS IT JUST ME OR IS IT REALLY HOT IN HERE ALL THE SUDDEN?!" Zelda screamed balling her hands into fists.

"Ahh, stop yelling, your hurting my fattie ears." The King sighed. Zelda suddenly un-tensed and looked really sad. "Was I yelling again?" Zelda put her hands up to her glowing red face. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to sound mean!" She pleaded.

The King scratched his fat tummy and smiled. Zelda pulled out a giant vat of creamy chocolate pudding and began to chow down while her father watched intently.

Zelda stopped shoveling the pudding and looked down at herself. "Do you think I'm fat?"

Meanwhile, Deep in the Bowels of The Lost Woods

"So I said to 'em... hey... buddy, If you really wanted that parking space, you should of said so before I parked there. I mean look at you horse! Can you even CALL that a horse?! It looks like a mix between a donkey and a weiner dog! And he looks at me and he's all like, Well Ya know, you don't even need a parking space, your a floating ball of light! And I was all like, Yeah.. well your head is really big. And so we get into this arguement for like 20 _hours_ and we're yelling and screaming and making a scene and what not. Hey... are you listing to me?"

Seria poped back into the reality she was dragged out of because of Navi's terrible voice. "Um, yeah okay whatever." Seria said simply. Navi cleared her voice and started again.

"Yeah so anyways.. wait... where was I?" Navi paused and allowed a ray of hope to shine through and made Seria think she was accaully going to STOP talking. Seria leaned farward in antcipation.

"Oh...my...god... one time I was at the flea market and there was this chicken, right?" Navi started again. Seria looked down and sighed. As the anoying little fairy carried on with her stories of pointless pointlessness, somewhere...

deep in Seria's fragile Forest-Kid mind.. she snapped.

In one quick movement, Seria reached upwards, "... And so I'm standing there, naked, on top of the rotten apple fritters and- Hey! What are you doing!" Navi yelled as Seria wrapped her fingers around the blue glow.

"Let go of me I can't belive your accually doing this! Stop! What are you-" And those would become know, as Navi's last, for Seria that day is looked upon as a hero.

At that moment, Navi was eaten by a forest Sage known as Seria, and she smiled as the glowing fairy-parts entered her belly.

Meanwhile... In Zora's Domain...

"All right you guys, this is the moment of truth..." Said a grown Princess Ruto standing on the edge of the diving game. She pointed to her assistant, Juan. "Juan here has replaced the water with solid concrete! I don't know what that is, but I'm willing to try anything!" Ruto cheered happily.

Several murmers came up from the crowd of... crowd people. "Umm... Ruto, concrete is-" Juan 'accidently' pushed that guy over the ledge before he could continue.

"Okay, Princess, are you ready?" Juan asked pulling out a medevil stop-watch. Ruto nodded and positioned herself over the edge. "Remember," Juan reminded her. "don't look over the edge until you jump, or a Ham Demon will eat your soul." Ruto nodded making sure not to look down. Then, alas, she jumped.

Jumping from that ledge was somthing she quickly regretted as her head hit splat into a platform of what was now a hard concrete slab of concrete.

"That's for choosing that little green dude in tights over me, stupid whore!" Juan shouted.

Meanwhile...In a White Void To Where the Evil Gannondarf was Banished...

"God damn I'm so freakin' bored right now." Said Gannon floating around in a white void.

_**THE END!**_

Ta Daaaa


End file.
